Travel…

I can’t believe I’m writing this, but I miss traveling for business.  After too many “Road Warrior” years, I was happy to be home; lose all my gold and platinum frequent traveler statuses; see my wife and family every day. 

After COVID-19?  OK, I’ve seen my wife and family… a lot, LoL! 

Now don’t get me wrong, I love being around my wife and family.  It’s just that after taking social distancing seriously and conducting 100% of my business meetings from home via Zoom; I’d like to board an airplane and zoom somewhere on a company trip.  My wife would second the motion. 

Which is surprising based on the way I used to travel. 

During one, 3-year period in 1986 alone I flew from Chicago to Pittsburg and back every Monday-Tuesday and flew to Omaha or Des Moines and back every Wednesday-Thursday.  My company was based in northern California, which I traveled to monthly for sales meetings and prospects headquarter visits. 

Being pre-9/11, we boarded planes without security screening; changed flights on a whim; and almost always were upgraded to first class.  I took my wife and in-laws to Hawaii on four separate vacations; first class; all on points. 

Over 25 years of heavy travel took a toll on just about everything in my life.  Everything but my sense of humor: 

After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction.  The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor.  Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers. 

(By the way, this airline is the only major airline that has never had an accident.) 

P = The problem logged by the pilot.

S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.    

P:  Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.   

S:  Almost replaced the inside main tire. 

P:  Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. 

S:  Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. 

P:  Something loose in cockpit.   

S:  Something tightened in cockpit. 

P:  Dead bugs on windshield. 

S:  Live bugs on backorder. 

P:  Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.

S:  Cannot reproduce problem on ground. 

P:  Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. 

S:  Evidence removed. 

P:  DME volume unbelievably loud. 

S:  DME volume set to more believable level. 

P:  Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.    

S:  That's what they're there for. 

P:  IFF inoperative.    

S:  IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. 

P:  Suspected crack in windshield.

S:  Suspect you're right.

P:  Number 3 engine missing. 

S:  Engine found on right wing after brief search. 

P:  Aircraft handles funny.  

S:  Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious. 

P:  Target radar hums.  

S:  Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. 

P:  Mouse in cockpit.   

S:  Cat installed. 

P:  Noise coming from under instrument panel.  Sounds like an elf pounding on something with a hammer.  

S:  Took hammer away from elf. 

Unknown Sage 

Here’s to the Road Warriors when normal travel returns.  Speaking from experience I know - not everyone can do that for a living. 

GAP 

When life gets tough we could get a helmet… or… we could leverage the peace and share the power of a positive perspective.