For years…

Every year, at this time of year, for more years than I can remember, I’ve written about my junior year, when I quit my high school football team (Link).  Something different happened this year. 

You see, I’ve come to clearly realize I’m not a quitter by nature – just the opposite.  For the past 57 years I’ve thought about; accepted; regretted; and ultimately written about that time I quit, thinking perhaps it would have some sort of cathartic benefit.  It hasn’t. 

There’s always been something in the back of my mind about the circumstances surrounding that event. Ever happen to you?  Ever change your mind – change your feelings – after you think more clearly about something you did?  When others say you were wrong, ever find yourself influenced enough to agree, even though deep down you feel you might actually have been right? 

That time in high school, I was faced with a tough situation.  No excuse.  We’re all faced with tough situations throughout our life, true?  In fact, over the years I’ve had enough tough situations that I solidified my view about myself: 

     Adversity clarifies commitment. 

After all these years, I’ve (finally) come to realize that I wasn’t committed in the first place to playing football my junior year.  I made it known before the season.  The varsity coach actually called my house over the summer to convince me to change my mind.  I was flattered – but I was not committed.  At 17 years old, I didn’t know the difference. 

The flattery lasted one week.  That’s when the abusive, macho-man, let’s intimidate high school boys, behavior resurfaced from an assistance coach.  He was the head coach of my sophomore team and moved up to varsity my junior year.  The previous year he totally turned me off to football.  I was quickly reminded by his bullying style and knew in my heart continuing was a bad fit.  

Quitting was the easy way out perhaps, but it was the lone way out I could see.  I felt like I was drowning.  I didn’t have anyone to turn to.  I didn’t put my trust in God (although I probably should have).  Up to that point, I’d always been a star athlete.  How could someone like that quit?  The hardest part was telling my Mom.  It was the only time in my life she said I disappointed her.

Who do you turn to when you’re in that tough, quit or keep going, commitment-clarifying, adverse situation?  When you feel like you’re drowning?  It could be problems at school, with a teacher, a coach, at work, with a manager, in your marriage…  Who do you turn to when you’re not sure if it’s them or you?  How do you decide whether or not to quit?  And if you have quit before, how do you get over lifelong regrets? 

Well, let me save you a few years of thinking about it, grinding on it, maybe even writing about it.  I suggest you turn to you, to your instincts, trust your gut, trust God.  If you do that in the first place it will probably turn out just fine. 

GAP 

When life gets tough we could get a helmet… or… we could leverage the peace and share the power of a positive perspective.

Keeping our heads…

Renown poet, writer and novelist, Rudyard Kipling along with our favorite, Unknown Sage have pertinent advice for us during these trying times.

In 1910, Kipling wrote about staying calm and rational when everyone else is panicking in his poem If: 

If you can keep your head when all about you   

    Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,   

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,

    But make allowance for their doubting too;   

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,

    Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,

Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,

    And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise: 

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;   

    If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;   

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster

    And treat those two impostors just the same;   

If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken

    Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,

    And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools: 

If you can make one heap of all your winnings

    And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,

And lose, and start again at your beginnings

    And never breathe a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew

    To serve your turn long after they are gone,   

And so hold on when there is nothing in you

    Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’ 

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,   

    Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,

    If all men count with you, but none too much;

If you can fill the unforgiving minute

    With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,   

Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,   

    And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son! 

What do you think?  Are there “men” among us today?  Are our companies (and our country) in crisis mode?  Is this the new-normal?  Well, don’t panic. Our  favorite, Unknown sage adds: 

If you can keep your head while those around you are losing theirs, you’ll be a head taller than everyone else. 

Let’s all stand tall!  

For me, I’m trying to follow the saying from an old painter I used to work with when I was in my twenties.  His favorite lunch was a pint of Malort.  After lunch, we doubted Carl could paint a straight line (let alone walk a straight line).  Never the less, he had trust enough in himself to finish out his shift.  And if he spilled a little paint, he’d just say, “Oh Malort” and then sing a little from the Newfoundland and Labrador folk song: 

Don’t panic.  Jack was every inch a sailor. 

I don’t know if Carl was once a sailor, but I noticed that he never panicked.  He simply kept his head and finished the job.  He reminded me to keep my head in the face of adversity, too. 

I wonder - where’s your head, and your heart, these days? 

GAP 

When life gets tough we could get a helmet… or… we could leverage the peace and share the power of a positive perspective.

 

At my age…

Some say it sucks getting old.  Some do anything and everything to try and stay young-looking.  (Hey Cher, it’s not working!) 

I’m OK with growing old.  I mean, if we’re lucky we get to grow old.  And that means we get to do a lot of beginnings: 

Once I might have wished for that: never to grow old.  But now I know that to stay young always is also not to change.  And that is what life's all about - change is going on every minute, and you never know when something begins where it's going to take you. 

Joan W. Blos 

I read an article recently that Shania Twain, at the age of 60, has finally stopped trying to be 20.  I’m here to tell you being elderly has its ups and its downs.  Come to think of it, I’ve had ups and downs in my teenage years and ever since! 

Now, I’m part of that “get off my lawn”, seemingly self-privileged, grumpy old man group that upholds the Scots: 

Old Scottish Prayer 

O Lord, grant that we may always be right, for Thou knowest we will never change our minds. 

Unknown Sage 

These days, when I remember where I parked my car and when I hit all of the belt loops, I know its going to be a good day.  Yes, there are those “other” days, too.  I’ll be attending my 55^th high school reunion in October.  I dread the fact that I won’t recognize my former classmates; I won’t remember their names, either. 

I’m sure there will be plenty of tales about our prescriptions, medical procedures, and worse.  I’m blessed to say I still have all of my original parts.  A little rusty perhaps, but all original.  It’s OK.  I won’t be playing touch football at the reunion. 

It’s best to stay active, though.  Mentally, physically, intellectually.  Rock stars might be different.  Neil Young, Def Leppard, and others claimed: 

It’s better to burn out than fade away. 

For the rest of us, fading away is just fine.  And, for any of my high school classmates I run into this Fall, here’s a little help.  I’m still the one - just with the white hair:

                                                    Gary A. Pokorn 

                                                Class of 1971

GAP 

When life gets tough we could get a helmet… or… we could leverage the peace and share the power of a positive perspective.

Making a living…

I was a Road Warrior once.  I wonder if there are as many business travelers today; what, with work-from-home, Zoom, Teams, and all. 

For all that travel to make a living, I salute you!  The long hours and time zone changes are tough to begin with.  Not to mention the plethora of airline incidents making the news today!  If planes aren’t trying to play bumper cars, then it’s the passengers who are “flying out of control”, true?  And that’s just the getting to and home part.  In between, these business people still have their jobs to do. 

I know the airlines are trying to make the trip as comfortable as possible, but there’s a limit: 

Pilot:  ‘Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to turn the seat belt sign off.  Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane 'til we land.  It's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it effects the flight pattern." 

Unknown Sage

Of course, Diamond Medallion, Premier 1k, frequent flying, business travelers also have to deal with the casual, family-with-children, infrequent flyers who don’t always know the routine: 

You'll notice that the airport buildings are in the distance.  We don't land at the terminal because it scares the heck out of the people inside. 

Mark Sanborn 

Then there are those darn, connecting flights.  There’s always the gamble of scheduling the connections too close.  I know frequent flyers don’t want to spend anymore time at the airport between flights than necessary, but…  Schedule connections too tight and the business traveler is at the mercy of airline flight operations, airport architects, and Murphy: 

Law of Airports 

The distance to the gate is inversely proportional to the time available to catch the flight. 

                   Unknown Sage

Well, as I concluded in the opening introduction to Road Warriors©, Chapter One of my book: 

Not everyone can do this for a living. 

GAP 

When life gets tough we could get a helmet… or… we could leverage the peace and share the power of a positive perspective.

May I have a word with you?

Words are important.  But which words?  What kind of words will you filter out today?  What words will you filter in?  

Sandy Loder, CEO of  Peak Dynamics, wrote in March of 2023 that humans have some 60,000 thoughts each day.  95% of those are repetitive from day-to-day.  75% of our daily thoughts are negative!  WOW! 

IMHO, thoughts are stimulated by words.  Words we read, words we hear, words we speak.  If the statistics about negative thoughts are accurate, what do those words say about our words? 

Words we hear from others (via one medium or another) is one thing.  More important and more impactful are the words we say to ourselves: 

Words have power … I once read an article in which one of the greatest female tennis players of all time reviewed a game that she lost.  Every statement she made about herself was still positive.  People who succeed speak well of themselves to themselves. 

Laurie Beth Jones 

How cool is that!  People who speak well of themselves to themselves, succeed.  Let’s all do that!  Whatever words from others we filter in or filter out, let’s make sure we use well-spoken, positive words when speaking to ourselves. 

The book, The Fred Factor © “…is a motivational book that uses the story of an exceptional mail carrier named Fred to illustrate how anyone can turn the ordinary into the extraordinary through passion, creativity, and commitment.”  At home, in school, at work, where ever, success can be in our hands; in our minds; in our self-talk. The author wrote: 

Nobody can prevent you from choosing to be exceptional. 

Mark Sanborn 

Exceptional!  Now, there’s a word to filter in.  I’m going to use that word when I speak to myself about myself.  How about you? 

GAP 

When life gets tough we could get a helmet… or… we could leverage the peace and share the power of a positive perspective.

Waiting?

Well… 

“I sent an email but haven’t heard back.”

“I left a voice mail, no response yet.”

“I texted… crickets.” 

Sound familiar?  If we’re on the waiting end, what do we do?  Besides getting really, really frustrated that is.

On the one hand, we don’t know what’s going on with the person we’re trying to contact.  I have a neighbor who’s on a 4-month, global cruise.  Even with on-board Internet, we wouldn’t expect a quick response during the middle of a day (or middle of the night) at sea, would we? 

Of course, not everyone we’re waiting to hear back from is on a global cruise.  Maybe they’re just sitting at their desk.  Maybe they simply forgot.  Maybe they’re overwhelmed – common perhaps in today’s days of front-line worker layoffs?  Maybe companies are forcing us to deal with the “machines” to get customer service? 

But when we’re on the waiting side, the reason doesn’t matter does it?  We don’t like to be kept waiting.  I know I don’t, but maybe it’s just me.  Can you share a situation where you prefer to be kept waiting?  Waiting in person doesn’t increase our patience either: 

The Queue Principal 

The longer you wait in line, the greater the likelihood that you are in the wrong line. 

Murphy 

When our awaited follow up finally follows through, we often get the proverbial, “Sorry, I’ve been busy.”  How do we react to that?  “Oh, that’s explains it.  My bad for being so impatient.  No worries, I’m not in a rush.”  Those are the responses we say… NEVER! 

Then there is the matter of balancing a quick response with an accurate response: 

Nobody is in a rush for the wrong answer. 

Robert D. Cohen 

What do you think?  Are we more impatient these days?  With all of the technology at our fingertips, are things getting worse?  After all, those online Chat/Bot/machines and telephone virtual trees are always there; always offering to help us; always ignoring our curses.  If only they could actually help us, right?  I mean we wouldn’t be asking to speak to a person if the machine had solved our issue. 

I know everyone’s busy.  I’ll just have to stay on hold.  Hope I live long enough for them to get back to me. 

GAP 

When life gets tough we could get a helmet… or… we could leverage the peace and share the power of a positive perspective.