Obligations…

I was enjoying coffee with my friend Steadman, recently.  I’ve known Steve since grade school.  In addition to coffee we share many common opinions about work, family, and life.  At our recent gathering I shared the zig-zagging path I’ve been on since “retiring” in February 2022.  I may not work fulltime anymore, yet I seem to be busier than ever. 

Truth be told, when one of my former clients or colleagues asks how my retirement is going I cringe. It sounds like I should be sleeping late, golfing, reading the paper; none of which are even close to my daily routine. 

It’s my own fault.  I’m “playing with fire”.  On the one hand, I’m trying to stay connected with the sales profession and today’s business world.  On the other hand, I don’t want to work every day.  And I certainly don’t want to “report to a manager”.  (Besides my wife, of course. HaHa!)  I told Steve I’m literally losing sleep over these mutually exclusive preferences. 

That’s when my friend offered his great wisdom.  “Gary, I know you well enough to say if you put your name on it, then it becomes an obligation.”  That’s it!  That’s exactly what’s been happening. 

Once Steve helped me clarify what was going on in my mind, I immediately realized how I’m getting myself into these situations.  You see, I made a living by following a couple of basic principles.  First, I liked to declare that I was in the business of saying, “Yes”.  That behavior is now engrained.  I’m reluctant to say, “No”; to opt out of things; especially when others around me won’t jump in.  However, saying “Yes” means that it becomes an obligation. 

My second, basic principle is always striving to give my best in competitive situations.  That attitude predates my business pursuits.  For instance, when I was growing up and playing basketball I had the same approach.  I really like Tom Connellan’s explanation for this trait: 

One with passion is better than forty who are merely interested.

We have all interacted with those who are “merely interested”, yes?  That’s not the personal branding I want to be associated with, do you?  Beware though - there’s a price to pay.  Passion  creates obligations. 

The word obligation reminds me of secret #1 from our favorite Unknown Sage and all those “obligated” bull riders: 

Cowboy secrets to life’s success: 

1. Don’t let your head strap your hand to anything your butt can’t ride.

2. Never corner anything meaner than you.

Earlier in my career, I attended training sessions on how to avoid obligations; how to say, “No”.  I had teammates who were concerned about becoming over-extended.  At that time, I could not have disagreed more.  Today, I’m wondering if I should have taken the teaching points more seriously.  Interestingly, another friend of mine (also named Steve) took just such a training class at his company a short time ago.  The crux was how to say politely, professionally, yet uncompromisingly, “No”:  

Not all projects should proceed… sometimes it’s better to be seen as stubborn rather than ineffective. 

Flawless Consulting 

Good point, true?  Going forward I’m going to pay closer attention to what “I put my name on”.  I won’t compromise the passion part. Once my “hand straps my butt” to an obligation, I will pursue that commitment with as much passion and professionalism I have. 

I guess I am stubborn.  But I never want anyone to think I’m “merely interested”. 

                                                            GAP 

When life gets tough we could get a helmet… or… we could leverage the peace and share the power of a positive perspective.