Give – without being asked…

If you’re like me, we are asked to give frequently, true?  I understand solicitation.  It’s a bad word, right?  It even warrants signs on home and office doors.  Bad, unless you’re in the sales profession.  Oh well, rejection comes with the territory: 

Many of us give without being asked.  Just look at this post; just peruse online sites.  All kinds of opinions and advice are given without being asked.  My posts included.  Oh, the challenges of free speech: 

What this country needs is more free speech worth listening to. 

Lawrence J. Peter  

According to AI, the word “gift” shares a “direct-root-and-action relationship” with “giving”.   We all engage in giving without being asked every day; several times each day; and our recipients appreciate our gifts. 

Giving a smile to a stranger we pass in the aisle at a store.  Giving a “Thank You” wave to the driver that lets us merge in front of them on the highway.  Giving a, “Have a nice day.” to a friend, neighbor, co-worker, and client.  Giving a hug to our loved ones.  Think about all of the giving we give to others – and in turn, receive in kind. 

You may think these don’t make up for the unwanted “giving” we receive on social media; the hype; the hate; the half-truths.  Perhaps we need reminding that all of the giving we give each other each day; all of the small courtesies; all of the little pleasantries; all together, en masse, makes us who we are.  It’s not one big thing.  It’s all of the little things we can easily think are at the margins: 

Execute passionately.  Marginal tactics executed passionately almost always will out perform brilliant tactics executed marginally. 

Harry Beckwith 

We witnessed passion during the World Cup on the pitch and in our cities.  World Cup visitors told stories of Americans being a nation of courtesy; friendliness; and a lot of fun!  They noticed perhaps that we say “Thank you” easily and often without being asked.  Barry J. Nalebuff gave us a list for business: 

Nine Tips on Saying, “Thank You”: 

• Say, “Thank You” in kind, not cash.

• Save the best, “Thank You” for your best customers.

• Say, “Thank You” in a way that builds your business.

• Don’t say, “Thank You” too quickly, or too slowly.

• Say you’re going to say, “Thank You.”

• Recognize that you may have to compete for loyalty.

• Allow your competitors to have loyal customers, too.

• Don’t forget to say, “Thank You” even if you have a monopoly.

• Say, “Thank You” to your suppliers as well as to your customers.” 

Giving without being asked delineates who we are and who we are not.  Americans are a diverse people united in compassion and understanding.  We are not separate tribes at war with each other.  So, “Thank You!” for allowing me to give you this post.  I know I wasn’t asked for it. 

GAP 

When life gets tough we could get a helmet… or… we could leverage the peace and share the power of a positive perspective.

 

What’s your source?

I was thinking about what kind of thinker I am, as well as the kind I am not.  All that thinking made me think about the source of my intelligence. 

The setting was a book signing.  People often stop and take a cursory look at my book.  Sometimes we chat.  I’ve heard the usual excuses aka objections.  “I’ll be back.”  “Let me think about it.”  “Oh, I have so many books.” 

You’d think after 4+ decades in the sales profession I would be good at overcoming objections.  Truth is, at $15 a copy, I’m not interested in convincing the unwilling.  They don’t need an excuse not to buy my book.  It’s OK.  It’s just a book.

This time, a woman caused me to think.  She asked, “What’s the source of your peace and power?”  I knew it was a leading question.  I knew she wanted me to say “God” or “Jesus”.  When I didn’t immediately respond with the right answer, she told me she didn’t need my book because her source was God.

She caught me off guard.  I hadn’t fielded that particular question at a book signing before.  She was impatient for my answer.  Yes, I feel the Lord guiding me throughout my life but He is not the only source of my peace and power.  That’s what I was thinking about when she walked away. 

You see, I’m a contemplative thinker.  I’m not a quick-on-your-feet thinker.  Which led me to think about the connection between thinking and intelligence and the source of my intelligence.  As I looked into it further I found there is “Crystallized Intelligence” and “Fluid Intelligence”.  Among many definitions, these resonated with me: 

Fluid Intelligence    

Ability to think quickly and adapt to new situations without relying on prior knowledge

Crystallized Intelligence 

Knowledge and skills accumulated over time and comes from experience and practice

If I were fluid I would have responded to her quickly about my perpetual optimism perhaps with this quote: 

For myself I am an optimist – it does not seem to be much use being anything else. 

Winston Churchill

If I had crystallized intelligence, I would have said that my life’s trials and tribulations accumulated over time have crystallized my practice of believing both in the peace and the power of a positive perspective as well as in God.  Or, if I was a quick-on-your feet thinker, I could have just opened my book to the last quote on page 313 to answer her question: 

Thank you Lord. I may never have a lot; but I have always had enough. 

Gary A. Pokorn 

If she was a contemplative thinker, she might have stopped to read the introduction: 

This chapter is dedicated to you – the reader; and to the great memories that might have come to your mind when you read these quotes and short stories.  To a smile I hope you felt on your face, in your mind, and from your heart.  And to your ability to face daily stress and all that can be bad in our world with the steadfast peace and tremendous power that can be attained by maintaining a positive attitude. 

Everyone may not be able to do this for a living - but each of us has the personal choice and the absolute ability to do this for our life. 

What’s your source?

GAP 

When life gets tough we could get a helmet… or… we could leverage the peace and share the power of a positive perspective.

Driven…

Growing up it was a big treat when my Dad took the family out for a drive.  Country roads mostly. Nighttime in the summer and fall; windows rolled down with fresh, outdoor smells permeating the car.  Running into a thunderstorm brought an added cornucopia of sights and sounds.  Gas was cheap back then.  Folks drove, well, leisurely I’d say.  No seat belts required. 

Those don’t seem to be the same sights and sounds and circumstances of driving today, true?  Unless you happen to live in a rural area (which we do not), going for a car ride is a whole different experience.  For one thing people are often in a hurry; a big hurry; driven even.  That can bring out the worst in us: 

Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you, but not in the one ahead. 

Bill McGlashen 

Cars today are built to go fast.  Car owners seem obliged to use the speed the car manufacturers have gone to such great lengths to provide.  And motorcyclists?  Don’t get me started!  It makes me wonder what the impetus is behind NASCAR on our roadways: 

Drive like you stole it! 

Unknown Sage 

Then there’s the matter of knowing where you’re going.  Until self-driving vehicles are the norm a human element is still involved.  Throughout my career I sold some of the most sophisticated business technology on the planet.  Even so my wife was amazed when I made it home from work without getting lost.  It was that human element. 

Today humans benefit from the latest and greatest GPS technology.  It doesn’t guarantee we won’t get lost, though: 

Oh well, one day the machines will completely take over and perhaps help us recapture the fun and leisurely experience of going for a drive. 

GAP 

When life gets tough we could get a helmet… or… we could leverage the peace and share the power of a positive perspective.

Temptare…

According to Google, temptare is Latin meaning: handle, test, try.  I think we all know it today as “temptation”.  Temptation surrounds us patiently seeking a way in.  Temptation constantly “tests” and “tries” us seeing how we “handle” the circumstance. 

If you were a betting person what would you bet on – temptation which flows unabated throughout the world, or our individual will power? 

In a fight between you and the world, bet on the world. 

Franz Kaftka 

Temptation came to my mind the other day at a local King Soopers grocery store book signing event.  I was located just inside the front entrance (a prime spot).  I was also directly across from a table displaying donuts on sale for $5 per dozen (tough competition).  I can report that temptation scored a lot of victories over will power that day.  A store employee restocking the table told me they sold 90 dozen donuts that morning.

You could tell people were conscious of their capitulation – I mean, we are talking fresh donuts here.  The after math?  Only the customers know how they felt after the donuts were eaten.  But I observed many in that moment of choice: 

Conscious - is when you are aware of something. 

Conscience - is when you wish you weren't. 

Unknown Sage 

I watched one Mom with two children sitting in the basket part of her shopping cart leaving little room for groceries let alone a large, flat box of donuts, when she entered the store.  As she approached the donut table I think I saw her weighing, just for a blink, whether to keep the donuts or the children!  She settled on placing the box of donuts and her kids’ laps in the basket. 

Lest you think I was merely a bystander or I have some super-will-power, power… no.  I joined in.  I didn’t buy a dozen to take home but I did buy one to eat during my book signing stint.  Again, we’re talking fresh donuts! 

We may all agree that the nutritional value of donuts isn’t great.  That day however, the psychological impact was obvious.  Every person I saw at the donut sale table had a smile on their face.  They seemed genuinely excited with their purchase.  Besides, who frowns when buying donuts?  I guess that’s why the grocery store displays a table of fresh donuts at the front entrance – they know temptation has an impressive won-loss record.  

Before you think King Sooper marketers are some Darth Vader types, I should also report that the donut table was set up right next to a fresh fruit cooler.  I’m happy to say that sales of fresh fruit were equally as brisk.  I wonder if I was witnessing guilt vs temptation play out before me.  I had one customer ask me how long donuts last.  Perhaps he was negotiating in his mind – if he bought a dozen and it took a week to eat them, was that a lesser evil?  I don’t know about you but once I invite donuts into my house it just feels like they call my name until they’re all devoured. 

I’m guilty then - my temptare hasn’t improved through centuries of evolution.  But after all, we are talking about donuts. 

GAP 

When life gets tough we could get a helmet… or… we could leverage the peace and share the power of a positive perspective.

 

Comparatives…

We do a fair amount of comparing ourselves to other people or other things, true?  That’s OK I suppose, but it’s the context of what we’re comparing ourselves to that matters

I was at a book signing recently and one of the grocery store employees came up to my table for a brief chat.  He was curious how I accomplished getting into the store as an authorized vendor.  I explained it was… like most of my life’s good fortune…  coincidental.  That’s when he said:

At 57, I'm not where I should be.

Tom

Then he went back to his tasks.  Not only did I wonder why he said what he said but I wondered what his context was.  Not where he should be in his career?  In his relationships?  In his health?  I never did find out.

Not all comparative thinking needs to be so deep.  Here’s a comparative from Jeremy Goldberg:

COURAGE: is knowing it might hurt, and doing it anyway.

STUPIDITY: is the same.

And that’s why life is hard.

Regardless if it’s keeping up with those Joneses; looking at that greener grass; or comparing that  proverbial glass, context is important:

Whether the glass is half empty or half full depends on whether you’re drinking or pouring.

Anthony Boxer 

Our favorite, Unknown Sage emphasizes context is especially important with glass:

Cirino's Law of Burnt Fingers:

Hot glass looks the same as cold glass.

We are probably going to continue our comparative thinking; I think it’s unavoidable.  However, if we start down that half-empty path, we should change the context… to pouring perhaps.

                                                            GAP

When life gets tough we could get a helmet… or… we could leverage the peace and share the power of a positive perspective.