Driven…

Growing up it was a big treat when my Dad took the family out for a drive.  Country roads mostly. Nighttime in the summer and fall; windows rolled down with fresh, outdoor smells permeating the car.  Running into a thunderstorm brought an added cornucopia of sights and sounds.  Gas was cheap back then.  Folks drove, well, leisurely I’d say.  No seat belts required. 

Those don’t seem to be the same sights and sounds and circumstances of driving today, true?  Unless you happen to live in a rural area (which we do not), going for a car ride is a whole different experience.  For one thing people are often in a hurry; a big hurry; driven even.  That can bring out the worst in us: 

Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you, but not in the one ahead. 

Bill McGlashen 

Cars today are built to go fast.  Car owners seem obliged to use the speed the car manufacturers have gone to such great lengths to provide.  And motorcyclists?  Don’t get me started!  It makes me wonder what the impetus is behind NASCAR on our roadways: 

Drive like you stole it! 

Unknown Sage 

Then there’s the matter of knowing where you’re going.  Until self-driving vehicles are the norm a human element is still involved.  Throughout my career I sold some of the most sophisticated business technology on the planet.  Even so my wife was amazed when I made it home from work without getting lost.  It was that human element. 

Today humans benefit from the latest and greatest GPS technology.  It doesn’t guarantee we won’t get lost, though: 

Oh well, one day the machines will completely take over and perhaps help us recapture the fun and leisurely experience of going for a drive. 

GAP 

When life gets tough we could get a helmet… or… we could leverage the peace and share the power of a positive perspective.

Anger…

What do you think about getting angry?  At work, does the boss get mad at you?  Or you at the boss?  Ever write a nasty email?  Ever find yourself yelling at someone?

Customer service reps are a frequent target.  Of course, they’ve been trained:

How to Manage an Irate Client Call: 

“I’m sorry you’re so upset.  I really feel your pain.  No, I don’t think we can fix the problem.  No, you can’t get your money back.  Well, I am the supervisor.  Let me transfer you to Mr. Dial Tone…” 

Unknown Sage 

I tried to temper my anger over the years.  Then I read an article published in Sales and Marketing Magazine ©,  “Is There A Place For Anger In Management?” .  Paul Nolan offered several points backed by research suggesting anger is more good than bad in the work place.  Here’s one example: 

We’re more likely to perceive people who express anger as competent, powerful and the kinds of leaders who will overcome challenges.  Anger motivates us to undertake difficult tasks. 

Competent and powerful… motivate to accomplish difficult tasks… I don’t know – what do you think?  Apples’ Steve Jobs was infamous (or perhaps famous) for his tirades. 

A final view about anger comes from two, fictitious monks: 

Two monks were strolling by a stream on their way home to the monastery.  They were startled by the sound of a young woman in a bridal gown, sitting by the stream, crying softly.  Tears rolled down her cheeks as she gazed across the water.  She needed to cross to get to her wedding, but she was fearful that doing so might ruin her beautiful handmade gown. 

In this particular sect, monks were prohibited from touching women.  But one monk was filled with compassion for the bride.  Ignoring the sanction, he hoisted the woman on his shoulders and carried her across the stream - assisting her journey and saving her gown.  She smiled and bowed with gratitude as the monk splashed his way back across the stream to rejoin his companion. 

The second monk was livid!  'How could you do that?' he scolded.  'You know we are forbidden to touch a woman, much less pick one up and carry her around.' 

The offending monk listened in silence to a stern lecture that lasted all the way back to the monastery.  His mind wandered as he felt the warm sunshine and listened to the singing birds.  After returning to the monastery, he fell asleep for a few hours.  He was jostled and awakened in the middle of the night by his fellow monk. 

'How could you carry that woman?' his agitated friend cried out.  'Someone else could have helped her across the stream.  You were a bad monk.' 

'What woman?' the sleepy monk inquired. 

'Don't you even remember?  That woman you carried across the stream' his colleague snapped. 

'Oh, her' laughed the sleepy monk.  'I only carried her across the stream.  You carried her all the way back to the monastery." 

Buddhist parable 

I suppose anger boils down to a matter of degree and the context of the situation. 

I don’t always succeed in controlling my anger.  However, I do try to avoid “carrying it all the way back to the monastery”. 

GAP 

When life gets tough we could get a helmet… or… we could leverage the peace and share the power of a positive perspective.

 

Giving our best…

Football is my favorite sport.  A bit ironic because football is the epitome of a time when I did not give my best.  Actually, it was worse than that.  It was the one time in all my competitive pursuits (athletics or business) that I quit.  I’ve lost many times; won my share, too.  Quit?  Once.

I quit my high school football team two weeks into the start of my junior year.  It was the only time in my life that my Mom told me I disappointed her.  I can remember going into the head coach’s office to quit as if it was yesterday.  Totally ironic, because after being a starter and co-captain my freshman and sophomore years, I was not even planning to play my junior year.  I was focusing on basketball. 

Over the summer the coach called and asked me to reconsider.  I agreed, but when I showed up I wasn’t prepared to give my best.  He and his coaches weren’t prepared to coach me up either.  At the age of sixteen, I decided that quitting was my only escape.  I’ve regretted it to this day.  It’s not the not-playing that I regret; it’s the not giving my best.

Here’s a 6 minute clip about high school, an underdog team, and their coach’s expectation about giving one's best: Facing the Giants

Perhaps not a technique that transfers into the business world today - but the message does, true?  We don’t have to go it alone.  It’s best to have a coach.

In business, our favorite, Unknown Sage offers this:

Common misconceptions about coaching in the marketplace: 

“Coaching is primarily for correcting behavior” - If we only coach people when they do something wrong, we have missed the point.  It’s about building not fixing. 

“Coaching requires giving up power and control” – The manager relies more on influence. The person is still accountable. 

“Coaching takes too much time” – Coaching takes too much time if you don’t do enough of it and you don’t do it correctly. 

“Coaching is soft stuff” – The manager who avoids soft stuff usually does so because it is so hard.  The work is easy; people are difficult. 

“Coaching is laissez-faire management” – Freedom in the workplace, actually just about anywhere, is rooted in strict discipline. 

“Coaching is simply being a good cheerleader” – A good manager has the courage and inner strength when needed to tell people the truth. 

“Coaching is like therapy” – To be a good manager and coach one does need a basic understanding of human behavior and motivation, but therapy has no place in your relationship with the people you are leading.

Coaches enjoy occasional accolades, too.  The best I ever heard was a tribute to Bum Phillips, former head coach of the then, Houston Oilers.  It was once said of Bum:

He could take his and beat yours - and then he could take yours and beat his. 

Bum was able to get his players to give their best and have no quit.  Imagine – what could we accomplish if we committed to giving our best? 

GAP

When life gets tough we could get a helmet… or… we could leverage the peace and share the power of a positive perspective.

High School Sweethearts…

October; autumn … I love this time of the year.  I love the colors and smells.  It reminds me of high school; football; and dating.  Do you remember your first high school sweetheart? 

High school is a special time for teenagers.  It certainly was for me.  It was a different time; an innocent time.  I always enjoyed the month of October when I was in high school – Homecoming; Halloween; dating; parties (most chaperoned, some not). 

Fifty-five years ago, this very time of the year, Glenn Vician held a party at his house.  His parents weren’t home.  I hung out with the prettiest girl in my high school at that party.  It was there that I asked her out on a first date.  I guess both events went well enough because here we are fifty-five years later and still together.  Even now I’m awe-struck by the glow of her beauty.

 I hope you enjoy this opening to Chapter XII True North of my book, The Peace & Power of a Positive Perspective © as much I enjoyed writing it and as much as I still enjoy re-reading it every October: 

Dedicated to… a crisp night in October; with a slight breeze blowing through bare trees – waiting for the coming winter.   Close your eyes.  Can you smell remnants of autumn leaves burning? 

To winning the homecoming football game.  To being carefree. To a Saturday night party at the teenager’s house whose parents are away.  Can you hear the kids having fun in the kitchen; the basement; and the backyard, all to the beat of the Rolling Stones? 

To couches, blue jeans and sweaters.  To the floor lamp reflecting on her blond hair making it shimmer with silvery streaks of light.  To the nervous small talk of a teenage boy in the presence of a varsity Pom-Pom Team member.  To the patience of the teenage girl sitting on the couch with the captain of the varsity basketball team.  Can you remember when you could actually hear your heart throbbing? 

To throw pillows, which come in handy when the small talk runs out – what else can a young boy do?  And to playful pillow fights; which lead to gentle wrestling and ultimately to that first kiss. Remember how delicate she felt in your arms – the hint of her perfume – the taste of her lips? 

To first dates – dinner and a movie.  To the movie Catch 22 and the Oriental Theatre in downtown Chicago.  To dating the prettiest girl in your high school; to falling in love; to asking her father’s permission for her hand in marriage.  Were you ever so nervous? 

To the tears welling up in my eyes even as I write this short memoir.  To all those emotions; all the happiness; all those hopes and all those dreams; some fulfilled, some yet to be; and all that I can remember today as if it just happened yesterday – that I will remember every day, as long as I live.  How can someone be so lucky? 

To 1970 - and that Saturday night in October in Elmhurst where I kissed Debbie for the very first time.  And to the friend’s house whose parents were out – to their couch, their floor lamp, to their throw pillows; and to the Rolling Stones music.  Can you imagine being so young, so infatuated, and so in love? 

I still am. 

GAP 

When life gets tough we could get a helmet… or… we could leverage the peace and share the power of a positive perspective.