Reflections from an Aging Warrior

The movie, “The Odyssey” is out.  It made me reminisce.  Grandiose expectations, even when achieved, can be a mistake…

Much has been studied and even more written about men of my generation, “trying too hard.”  We were modern warriors in a battle for treasure over ethics; victory over compassion; fame over family; intimidation over cooperation.  I wonder if that affliction afflicts today’s younger, working men.  Women, too.  

Speaking from experience, there can be a “burden of self-sufficiency” and “compulsive work ethic” in our warrioring years.  Some have suggested this can lead to “carrying sadness alone” when warriors fail to meet grandiose expectations, or even achieve them as Odysseus did.  It’s actually worse than that. 

I remember the day a former sales rep of mine, John, called.  Years previous I hired him into the technology sales field when other managers wouldn’t.  He was considered “out of profile”.  I took a chance.  I promoted him onto my Major Accounts sales team at ADP.  I trained him how to hunt.  He became a better hunter than me. 

After outgrowing that position, John left to seek fortune and glory.  He wound up as the #1 rep at Salesforce.com for multiple years.  We stayed in touch periodically; celebrating his victories.  

Then one day, John called.  I hadn’t heard from him in a while.  His voice was different.  I can’t pinpoint it.  He called me to share his most recent victory – or was it.  John just received his first $1 million W-2.  WOW!  What a grandiose achievement! 

Instead of joy however, John somberly asked me, “Gary, is that all there is?”  He was not consoled when I replied, “Yes. As a sales hunter, it’s just the money.”  We haven’t spoken much since.  I think we resigned ourselves to the reality that in our profession, hunting was “all we know”. 

No shame, though.  In the B2B sales profession there are very few true hunters.  Just being a consistent, 100% of quota performer, year-in and year-out, is rare.  I know elite performance is found in many professions.  I don’t know what makes the difference:  

Not every man is built to be in the arena.  

Scottie Scheffler 

Older now, I can finally say that growing up I and others placed too much emphasis on making money.  Pursuit of grandiose expectations, even when achieved, can create disappointment.  In my career, I did things that can’t be undone – can’t be “fixed”.  They are not “learning experiences” because as an elderly man there will never be a next time to “do better”; “do it differently”. 

Can self-forgiveness be found by acknowledging unforgivable deeds?  Did Odysseus find peace?  I hope so.  It’s not because we Aging Warriors have to “live with it”.  It’s actually worse than that.  We have to die with it. 

GAP

When life gets tough we could get a helmet… or… we could leverage the peace and share the power of a positive perspective.

Have you been tested?

There’s a provocative question in today’s world, true?  You can relax, it’s not that kind of testing I’m referring to. My context today is about something else, something more important. 

I’m participating in a Men’s Health class at MSU Denver this spring term titled, “Aging Warriors”.  The Professor (Doc R) invited a few of us elderly men to attend so his undergraduates could get a feel for what we’re like.  He knows at our age, many of us have been tested: 

Aging is not for the weak. 

Dr. Steven Rissman  

Although this class is focused on men, many of the topics apply to women equally.  And yes, in the business world many women feel they’ve been tested.  There’s even a math expression for it: 

Woman's Equation 

Whatever women do, they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult. 

Unknown (Female) Sage 

One of the many topics covered in class has to do with having a, “Strong inner self”.  That’s not something we can just say we have and be credible.  It’s like the sailing analogy: 

In calm waters, every ship has a good captain. 

Swedish Proverb 

Captains are tested in rough waters, true?  What about you?  What rough waters have you been tested by?  Do you believe in your skills and abilities? 

Doc R further presented in class that: 

If you believe in your own skills and ability to manage and master stressful events you gain a sense of security. 

“Stressful events” you say?  Why I bet in the business world you believe you’re bathed in stressful events, surrounded by pressure, faced with continuous deadlines.  That’s the American Way isn’t it?  I’m sure you are dealing with business stress.  However, there’s more to life than business, our work, the size of our W-2, the next promotion.  

Life’s stressful events are different.  They are the worse types of events that are almost indescribable.  They’re the events even the sturdiest of us wonder if we will be able to stand up under the weight.  They’re the events that take our mind completely off of work. They're Herculean:

Having confidence and believing in oneself is one thing.  But take it from an Aging Warrior, to have a strong inner self - it must be tested.  It will be tested. 

GAP 

When life gets tough we could get a helmet… or… we could leverage the peace and share the power of a positive perspective.

Worrying?

I saw this quote online recently.  Did you see it, as well? 

Every morning I wake up and ask the Lord to get in my head before I do. 

Unknown Sage

Unfortunately for me, most days I beat Him to it.  I seem to be full of worry and trepidation: 

Worry is interest paid on trouble before it falls. 

William Ralph Inge 

Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and just start mentally grinding on one worry or another.  In my earlier years I found solace in athletics.  I’ve noticed however, that even my attitude towards that has evolved (or devolved) over time. 

It used to be when I went to play a basketball game (pick-up; interscholastic; intercollegiate; regardless) I would tell my wife, “I hope we win today.”  Progressing further into adulthood, I found myself saying, “I hope I play well today.”  Now in retirement when I head out for some physical activity or another it’s, “I hope I don’t get hurt today.”  No, athletics don’t help me with life’s worries anymore. 

You’d think after all these years I would have gotten over worrying about everything; but nooo…  Sometimes I even worry about worrying!  I don’t know why.  I mean, my life has been so blessed.  I should follow Larry Eisenberg’s advice: 

     For peace of mind… 

          resign as General Manager of the universe.                     

Are you said General Manager?  Do you worry about troubles before they fall, too?  My wife keeps telling me, “Don’t worry so much.  It’s in God’s hands.”  Well OK, but isn’t it also written that, “The Lord helps those who help themselves”?  

Life is like that I suppose.  And that’s the paradox of worrying. 

GAP 

When life gets tough we could get a helmet… or… we could leverage the peace and share the power of a positive perspective.

Which way…

I was driving with my wife last weekend.  Got lost – turned the wrong way.  As she was helping me get back on the right course I asked her why she didn’t proactively tell me where to turn.  She said she thought I knew where I was going.  I suggested, after 52 years of marriage, she should probably know better.  I mean this could be my motto:

I’m lost; but I’m making good time.

                   Unknown Sage

Women helping men with directions is almost legendary, true?  Whether we’re in management or a staff person, the story repeats itself frequently:

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am.” 

The woman below replied, “You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude.” 

“You must be an engineer”, said the balloonist.  “I am”, replied the woman, “How did you know”? 

“Well”, answered the balloonist, “everything you told me is, technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip.” 

The woman below responded, “You must be in Management.”  “I am”, replied the balloonist, “but how did you know”? 

“Well”, said the woman, you don't know where you are or where you're going.   You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air.  You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault.”                                 

Unknown Sage

Men get lost all the time; on land, in the air, and even at sea:

Admiral Arleigh 'Thirty-one Knot' Burke…

During World War II Burke mistakenly led his destroyer squadron into a Japanese minefield.  Admiral Halsey radioed to ask Burke what he was doing in a Japanese minefield.  'Thirty-one knots', Burke replied.

Jean Edward Smith

And yes, for those of you thinking I could just use GPS… my loathing of the machines is well documented.  I will eventually find my way.  Besides, have you noticed the majority of GPS voices are female?

GAP

When life gets tough we could get a helmet… or… we could leverage the peace and share the power of a positive perspective.