To Dad…

Happy Father’s Day coming this Sunday!  Aren’t fathers and grandfathers great?  The memory of my father brings a proud smile to my face (and my heart!).  If you’re lucky enough to have living fathers and grandfathers, give them more than a handshake on Sunday.  Hugs are the tradition. 

Traditionally, men are not known for showing our emotions, true?  “Be a man”; “cowboy up”; and the like, continuously profess our masculinity.  They say a father can only be as happy as his most unhappy child.  My Dad had his periods of unhappiness during his lifetime. I bet your Dad did too. 

I have witnessed first-hand the ups and downs of my children and grandchildren.  Their downs are my downs.  Thankfully, I know God only burdens us with the amount of heartbreak we each can handle.  But my children’s ups; their accomplishments; their happiness?  Thankfully, those blessings are boundless.  When my children are happy it brings a smile to my face (and my heart)! 

My sons have children so I get to be the grandfather too!  Grandfathers have responsibilities:

Sometimes the only difference we can make is passing our wisdom on to someone else who will make the bigger difference. 

Linda B. Gray 

The older I get the more appreciative I am of the love and wisdom I received from my father.   He wanted his sons to make a difference. 

He wanted us to be patient with some of his quirkiness, also.  I remember after my Mom died, my Dad ate dinner at the hospital cafeteria two blocks from his house.  It might have been for the convenience; maybe for the memory of the last place he saw his wife alive. 

This continued every evening for over twenty years.  The employees thought Al Pokorn actually worked there.  One summer, he was even invited to their company picnic!  I didn’t mind this quirky tradition.  But when he won a TV in the employee raffle, I told him he had to give it back! 

We Dads are all a little quirky I suppose:  

Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you.  Tell him the plate you're handing him is very hot and he'll have to touch it to believe it.  

Mike Jaeger

Today when my children use one of my little sayings, or demonstrate a family value or tradition that has been passed down from father to son, it brings a proud smile to my face (and my heart)! 

Hopefully, our children and their children will carry on the values and traditions we learned from our fathers and our fathers’ fathers.    For Dads, this is one of fatherhood’s most satisfying accomplishments we can witness - while we’re here. 

Was it Mickey Mantle who said? 

If I knew I was going to live this long I would have taken better care of myself. 

Of course, someday our little angels may turn on us; they’ll want to take away our car keys before sending “Gramps” to a home.  And when that day comes we will think of our forefathers again: 

When I die, I want to die like my Grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep.  Not screaming like all the passengers in his car. 

Unknown Sage 

Brings a smile to my face (and my heart!) 

So, here’s to my Dad; and your Dad; and Dads across the world.  They have helped us all make a difference – a tradition to be passed down. 

GAP 

When life gets tough we could get a helmet… or… we could leverage the peace and share the power of a positive perspective.

NTK …

I was reminded of the Gene Hackman, Denzel Washington movie, Crimson Tide, the other day.  Did you see it?  I consider it "must see" for managers and business leaders. 

There were so many examples of leadership styles and management techniques in that movie, all set in a high-tension storyline.  There was racial tension between Hackman and Washington; age tension; the "corporate ladder" tension of a commanding officer threatened by the second-in-command replacing him (which happened briefly during the movie). 

There were many examples of Gene Hackman using management techniques to put subordinates "on edge"; contrasted with Denzel being Denzel and remaining calm and reassuring to all around.  Not to mention the high-tension storyline - a US submarine accidentally bringing the world to the brink of thermonuclear war. 

I was reminded of this movie when one of my clients was telling me about his resignation.  He told me he was a senior member of his team.  Maybe not second-in-command, but senior enough to have earned the privilege of “being informed”. Instead, he told me he felt he was constantly being left out; kept in the dark.  He found that to be disrespectful.  So he quit. 

IMHO, all employees want to be kept informed.  No one wants to be left out; kept in the dark.  I believe adults want our leaders to continually communicate, " where we're at and where we're going... where we're at and where we're going..."  

I suppose we should be mindful of Abbott's Admonitions: 

If you have to ask, you're not entitled to know. 

If you don't like the answer, you shouldn't have asked the question. 

And Captain Penny reminds us that management techniques used at work may not work the same at home. 

Captain Penny's Law 

You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you can't fool Mom. 

The leadership style I particularly tuned into in the Crimson Tide movie was Gene Hackman’s line he yelled over and over in the face of every scene of crisis and tension, "Keep your people informed!" 

Now we all know business is not war and thankfully we don't face life or death crises week in and week out as portrayed by Hollywood.  Hopefully, at your company you don’t face racial tension; age tension; corporate ladder tension; and the like in Crimson Tide.  But keeping employees continuously informed seems to be a good management practice – a good business practice - to me. 

In leadership’s defense, we followers have a responsibility, too.  If we don’t hold up our end of the bargain we discourage management from keeping us informed: 

Chisholm's Third Law 

No matter how long or how many times you explain, no one is listening. 

Unfortunately, that can lead to another management practice that is all too common in corporate America today – NTK; need to know.  This phrase even shows up in the Cambridge Dictionary©: 

            on a need-to-know basis 

If you tell people something on a need-to-know basis, you only tell them the facts they need to know at the time they need to know them, and nothing more. 

NTK doesn’t need to cause animosity; we don’t always have to quit do we? 

Shirley's Law 

Most people deserve each other. Forgive and remember. 

Nonetheless, which would you prefer from your managers and leaders?  Gene Hackman yelling, “Keep your people informed!”?  Or NTK? 

Personally, I'm hopeful our managers and leaders watch Crimson Tide. 

GAP 

When life gets tough we could get a helmet… or… we could leverage the peace and share the power of a positive perspective.

The Class of 2029…

That’s my grandson’s high school graduating class – 2029.  WOW!  Now I feel old. 

During his recent completion of fourth grade I thought a lot about education; learning; and knowledge.  It’s fun to interact with grade school kids as they are engaged in learning. 

It occured to me that everything I want to learn – my cell phone already knows.  I mean, if you think about what we need to think about in 2021 our little, cellular devices have already put every answer to any question at our fingertips.  WOW!  Now I feel old. 

Today, all we need is electricity; our cell phones will do the rest of the thinking for us.  But what type of “thinking” do these devices do?  Do phones have emotions?  Are Alexa and Siri compassionate?  Do they reinforce our social norms; our values; our manners?  Do people equipped with these devices have the knowledge to even know the difference anymore? 

Ah yes, there’s that word “know”.  I asked my phone - it had the answer - of course: 

verb.  1. Be aware of through observation, inquiry, or information 

OK, seems pretty matter-of-fact.  But how does modern technology impact our ability to know?  Is technology enhancing or diminishing our inquiry?  Our observation?  Or just pounding us with information? Or worse, misinformation?  

I think we know that knowledge has value: 

An investment in knowledge pays the best dividends.  

Benjamin Franklin 

But is knowledge “it”?  Is that all we need to know?  Is that the mission of the class of 2029 – to know they need to gain knowledge?  Or, do they only need to know that they need a cell phone  and their cell phone will “know” everything else? 

I hope there’s more: 

Imagination is stronger than knowledge.  Dreams are more powerful than facts.  Hope always triumphs over experience. 

Robert Fulghum 

Ah Hope…  Thankfully, one of my grandson’s teachers read him excerpts from Robert Fulghum: 

All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten© 

All I really need to know about how to live and what to do and how to be I learned in kindergarten.  Wisdom was not at the top of the graduate-school mountain, but there in the sandpile at Sunday School. These are the things I learned: 

Share everything.  Play fair.  Don't hit people.  Put things back where you found them.  Clean up your own mess.  Don't take things that aren't yours.  Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.  Wash your hands before you eat.  Flush. 

Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.  Live a balanced life - learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some.  Take a nap every afternoon. 

When you go out into the world, watch out for traffic, hold hands, and stick together.  Be aware of wonder.  

Think what a better world it would be if all - the whole world - had cookies and milk about three o'clock every afternoon and then lay down with our blankies for a nap.  Or if all governments had a basic policy to always put things back where they found them and to clean up their own mess. 

And it is still true, no matter how old you are - when you go out into the world, it is best to hold hands and stick together. 

Alexa and Siri; are you old enough to know what our kindergartners and grade schoolers know? 

GAP 

When life gets tough we could get a helmet… or… we could leverage the peace and share the power of a positive perspective.

Our Loans to Repay…

Happy Memorial Day in advance everyone!  

Next Monday is an occasion to celebrate America - our America - our nation of great opportunity and great diversity.  Even though we Americans are addressing many difficulties, Monday is a day to celebrate our blessings and our future possibilities.  

On any other day, it’s easy to get mired in everything that’s wrong with America.  What concerns you the most? Covid 19?  The economy?  Health care?  World peace?  Lots to complain about, true? 

Conservation of our Earth for future generations is another difficulty - and a hotbed of debate.  Nothing new about this however; it is a topic dating back to our country’s original landlords: 

We do not inherit the earth from our ancestors – we borrow it from our children.  

Native American proverb 

Do you believe we’re experiencing (and contributing to) global warming?  If we are, what can each of us do about it?  Will our children feel the same way about lending us their Earth as we do about inheriting the Social Security trust fund from our parents?  (Not much “trust” in the use of that trust fund, yes?) 

Memorial Day is a day to remember and to honor the men and women of our armed forces who have preserved a country where cultures of diversity come together unlike any other place on Earth.  It’s a time to salute our service men and women; present and past; and those who have made the ultimate sacrifice to protect our way of life: 

We all benefit today from those who came before us.  But what are we making of our opportunities?  And what opportunities (and debts) will we leave for our future generations?  

In every community, there is work to be done. 

In every nation, there are wounds to heal. 

In every heart, there is the power to do it. 

Marianne Williamson 

Monday is a holiday and a time for celebration not worries; for national pride not fear; for appreciation not anger.  Monday, Americans can celebrate the interesting, diverse, and humorous lifestyle others have enriched us with as noted by our favorite, Unknown Sage: 

Only in America…

can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance. 

Only in America…

are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

Only in America…

do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front. 

Only in America…

do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke. 

Only in America…

do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to  the counters. 

Only in America…

do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.                       

Only in America…

do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.  

Only in America…

do we use the word "politics" to describe the process so well: "Poli" in Latin meaning "many" and "tics" meaning  "bloodsucking creatures." 

Only in America…

do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.                            

Yes, remember “only in America” on Monday and enjoy the holiday.  Then we’ll go back to work Tuesday – working to overcome our difficulties; working to leverage our opportunities; working to preserve our way of life for future generations. 

Let’s start working to pay back the loan on our planet Earth to our children and their children. 

GAP 

When life gets tough we could get a helmet… or… we could leverage the peace and share the power of a positive perspective.

Mental Health Awareness

May is Mental Health Awareness month.  Please be aware.  As if our modern society isn’t tough enough, along came a worldwide pandemic.  It seems that people’s daily lives are now constantly shaken from violence; disrespect; and selfishness.  Worse, the social media fueled vitriolism is at a level I’ve never witnessed before in my entire lifetime. 

Truly today, awareness of our loved ones’ mental health has never been more important: 

I have known Eric for 45 years this past Tuesday.  Over that period Eric’s Mom and Dad have shared some of his most joyous occasions; and some of his most upsetting events; and in between these highs and lows Eric would tell you that he has been doing alright.  And for Eric, doing alright shows how amazing he truly is. 

You see, Eric is the strongest person I know.  I’ll give you an example.  Close your eyes and return to the happiest day of your life – feel how you felt during your most exhilarating moments.  OK, now think back to how you felt on your saddest, darkest, most depressed day ever.  Just set those mental bookmarks in your mind’s eye.  There is an unbelievably wide and powerful range of human emotion, yes? 

For most of us, we migrate from our highest highs to our lowest lows slowly; with long, “recovery” spans of simply feeling average in between.  Unfortunately, Eric is different; his mood swings back and forth, between euphoric highs and debilitating lows in a matter of minutes - multiple times - every hour!  Now picture your life with his type of mood swings – as if our other challenges aren’t enough to deal with. 

Rapid Cycling – that’s the technical term for Eric and others who suffer from Bi-Polar Disorder.  And Eric lives every day with this unwelcome guest.  Medical science is not much help.  Bi-Polar Disorder is an affliction of the brain; and very difficult to properly diagnose and treat.  Trial and error, mostly.  That means people with Bi-Polar Disorder typically wind up dealing with this on their own. 

Most can’t hold down a steady job.  Eric can and does in spite of unimaginable obstacles.  He is a skilled tradesman; good with customers; dependable; hard working; shows up no matter what; a positive attitude that no job is too tough; that’s Eric.  Most people with Bi-Polar Disorder can’t live independently.  Eric does – and if you met him, you would never know the internal turmoil he is living with.  He has a pleasant personality; a nice sense of humor; knowledgeable of current events; like the rest of us. 

But Eric isn’t really like the rest of us.  Just getting up and facing the day; every day; takes enormous strength.  And he offers no excuses – never has.  Eric has earned success and experienced failure.  No matter; Eric treats each day anew, the best he possibly can. And when you greet him saying, “Hi. How you doing?”  you will almost always hear him say, “I’m doing alright”. 

If Eric does alright each and every day even though feeling these uncontrollable mood swings – should we do any less? 

No, I don’t have Bi-Polar Disorder, but it lives close by. And though I don’t have it, I can see first-hand the strength Eric has as he lives with it.  I’m very proud to say that Eric is my son.  And one day I hope to learn the source of his amazing strength so I too can be, “doing alright”. 

GAP 

When life gets tough we could get a helmet… or… we could leverage the peace and share the power of a positive perspective.

Feedback…

My Daughter-in-Law has a plaque hanging on their patio that reads: 

If a man talks in the forest and no woman is around to hear him, is he still wrong? 

                   Unknown Sage 

Here’s one of my wife’s: 

Man is woman’s best friend.  He will reassure when she feels insecure and comfort her after a bad day.  He will inspire her to do things she never thought she could do; to live without fear and forget regret.  He will enable her to express her deepest emotions and give in to her most intimate desires.  He will make sure she always feels that she’s the most beautiful woman in the room and will enable her to be confident, sexy, seductive, and invincible.  No wait… sorry… I’m thinking of wine.  It’s the wine that does all that.  Sorry. 

                   Unknown Sage  

It’s all good; our significant others mean well LoL!  But maybe I should stick to coaching salespeople. 

Are trends changing when it comes to giving feedback to salespeople?  “Feedback”; constructive criticism; critique; coaching; managing; inspecting; editing; testing…  how do you feel about receiving feedback at work? 

I’ve seen a lot of thought leadership online and in print these days suggesting that salespeople can only concentrate for mere minutes.  There is a lot being said and even more being written about how we must adjust to the varying learning styles of salespeople.  Four or five minute training boosters; just-in-time eLearning content; and who can leave out artificial intelligence?  My profession is surrounded with feedback about giving feedback. 

I have often said that sales is what we do when we can’t do anything else.  It is known as the unchosen profession.  Yet sales is still a profession and I believe we should be just as professional as any other profession, don’t you?  And I believe sales professionals get better by practicing their trade.  The best of the best leverage coaching. 

I like to make the comparison to Tiger Woods.  Many consider Tiger Woods the greatest golfer of all time.  Regardless of how you rank him, his commitment to his profession is world renown.  He is the first golf champion credited with treating his body like a world class athlete.  His workout regimen is certainly more grueling than sales training boosters of 4 or 5 minutes. 

What about “feedback”?  Well, when on the PGA Tour Tiger had three professionals coaching him.  One worked on his swing; one worked on his putting; and one was a sports psychologist who worked with him on his mind.  What do you think?  Was Tiger able to concentrate for more than mere minutes? Oh and by the way, he paid for these coaches out of his own pocket. 

Maybe it’s me; maybe I’m just a hard ass…  I try to coach salespeople very particularly: 

• Feedback starts with observation of their work.
• Then they self-assess.  They know what they were trying to do. 
• Next I ask how I can help.  They will set the blunt-gentle dial to their tolerance.
• Finally if they are open to it, I provide feedback.  Specific; objective; actionable; I try to show them their reflection in a mirror so they can “see” what they are doing. 

What if a salesperson is not open to feedback?  Well that’s OK, I suppose.  I’m not in the business of convincing the unwilling.  The marketplace is as brutal as the PGA Tour. IMHO, in the sales profession as in pro golf, only the skilled and well-coached survive. 

GAP 

When life gets tough we could get a helmet… or… we could leverage the peace and share the power of a positive perspective.

Moms are special…

My Mom was special - I bet your Mom is (or was) special, too.  This coming Sunday is Mother’s Day.  In mind; in memory; or in person; be sure to make it a special day for your Mom.  Sending flowers is not enough.  Make her the center of your attention if only for one day. 

My wife is a special Mom.  She continues to lovingly mother our grown boys and our grandchildren even while their father worries, “How do I get all of these kids off the payroll?”  But I digress.  She keeps our entire, extended family together. 

Our Moms have a special sense of humor:  

A wife invited some people to dinner.  At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said, “Would you like to say the blessing?”  I wouldn’t know what to say”, the girl replied.  “Just say what you hear Mommy say”, the wife answered.  The daughter bowed her head and said, “Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?”  

Unknown Sage                                  

Our Moms are special teachers.  Remember the life-long lessons you learned from your Mother?  Back to our Unknown Sage: 

What my Mother taught me: 

My Mother taught me logic;

“Because I said so, that's why.”

My Mother taught me irony;

“Keep laughing and I'll give you something to cry about.”

My Mother taught me about the science of osmosis:

“Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"  

Even Bill Gates has a take (including Mom and Dad in his reference to his parents - and ours): 

Excerpt from Bill Gates' speech to Mount Whitney High School, Visalia, CA: 

Rule 7 - Before you were born, your parents weren't

as boring as they are now.  They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were.  So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parents' generation, try delousing the closet in your own room. 

Our Moms have a special and immeasurable reservoir of power, true?  My Mom did.  She was stricken with cancer when I was 6 years old.  In fact, I can no longer remember a time when she was not ill.  The last 15 years of her life were spent undergoing continuous treatments: 

I watched my Mom’s great power, which she needed in order to deal with a new cancer treatment in the late 1960’s that was so unimaginably harsh – that the administration of this treatment was solely based on the primitive science of trial and error – where the doctors’ routine consisted of observing how much of a dose could she tolerate without dying from the treatment. 

It was an experimental treatment back then; offered only as a last resort for terminally ill cancer patients. This wasn’t a cancer cure; just a radical option to extend one’s life another year or two.  It was due to her staying power (and that of many other patients like her) before she finally succumbed in 1974, that has helped pave the way to the development of the commonly used, life-saving cancer treatment we all know today as chemotherapy. 

How many special Moms have died fighting terrible diseases (and brutal treatments) so the rest of us can benefit from the exaggerated term, “modern medicine”? 

Mother’s Day - make it special for your Mom if she’s living; make it special for you through your memories of your Mom if she’s not. 

GAP 

When life gets tough we could get a helmet… or… we could leverage the peace and share the power of a positive perspective.