I can get so busy multi-tasking at times that I simply don’t listen. (Drives my wife crazy when I’m present - but not present!) Does that ever happen to you? When it does, sometimes I become defensive or try to hide my mistake. Not very wise I suppose. It would be better to follow Adam’s advice:
I only have to be told twice; once.
Adam Katzenmeyer
A very wise and thoughtful statement, true? In one, respectful sentence, Adam: (A) admitted he was not listening, (B) avoided faking it, or worse, arguing that he was listening when he actually wasn’t, and (C) acknowledged his commitment to listen, going forward.
Adam is a former colleague of mine. His is an example of lessons I learned in my job that apply to my daily life. One of the extra benefits of being a sales professional – I met many wise and thoughtful people. Most of the time the lessons were obvious; other times I absorbed them slowly and subconsciously; occasionally, I needed a 2x4 to hit me over the head before it sunk in.
Some advice stayed top of mind:
Don’t be stupid.
Nick Ryder
Wisdom I picked from my friend and former colleague in the late 1980s. Nick and a sales support person from our company had just returned from a prospect meeting that went poorly. His sales support person had argued with the prospect, which cost Nick the deal. Afterwards, when she asked what she should have done different and how she could improve in the future, he offered those three, profound words. I try to live by them, too (although some days it takes the 2x4).
Back to listening - have you ever found yourself in a disagreement with someone, perhaps even an argument, only to realize that you had actually mis-listened and the other person was right all along? Did you quickly admit your mistake? Did you ignore it and continue to argue? John P. Kotter in his book Leading Change © offers us this observation:
Listening with an open mind, trying new things, reflecting honestly on successes and failures - none of this requires a high IQ, and MBA degree, or a privileged background. Yet remarkably few people behave in these ways today, especially after age thirty-five and especially when they are already doing well in their careers.
I don’t think I’m alone with this affliction. I have seen others argue, defend, and attempt to deflect the blame of being wrong almost to the point of absurdity. Our Unknown Sage offers this:
Courtor’s Rule:
If people listened to themselves more often, they would talk less.
It’s OK; no one is perfect. If wisdom needs further, more scientifically oriented reinforcement, Russell Kay offers us this:
Grabel's Law
Two is not equal to three - not even for very large values of two.
When we find ourselves in an argument, it may be wise to follow this thoughtful advice from Managing Conflict in the Workplace ©:
Listening makes a lot of sense. Drawing on my fine command of language, I
said nothing.
Robert Benchley
Sadly, even after all of the years in my profession; after reading thought leadership from so many wise people; after being “burned” by my mistakes… perhaps because I’m older than thirty-five and have this uncontrollable need to be right, when I get into an argument I guess I need that 2x4 to do as Robert suggests and say nothing.
GAP
When life gets tough we could get a helmet… or…
we could leverage the peace and share the power of a positive perspective.
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