Behaving badly?

I’ve been chatting with friends, former clients, and colleagues about the current situation in business and the attention being paid to all of the employees who are quitting their jobs.  Technically I suppose, I am part of the departure although my excuse is retirement. 

Truth be told, I could have continued working.  My best friend plans to work until he’s 75.  In my case though, if I stayed I would have been working just for the money – and money is no longer as precious to me as it once was:  

Time isn't money, after all - it's more personal and more important.  Once I asked a friend to help me with a project, and I added, “Of course, I'll pay you for your time.”  He smiled, “I'm afraid your money is a poor substitute for my time."  

Floyd Allen 

Even as a younger man I would not stay in a job where I was unhappy no matter how much money I was making.  Is that why so many people, seemingly so unhappy, are leaving their jobs today?  Is it so bad in the workplace?  

“Bad” is nothing new.  Our favorite Unknown Sage has been coaching us about bad for years; in many cases tongue in cheek: 

Universal Law 

Anything that begins well ends badly. Anything that begins badly ends worse. 

In my career, I switched out of a bad job on more than one occasion.  I attributed part of that to the nomadic nature of the technology sales profession.  In other circumstances I felt I was just in a bad situation.  And sometimes I simply failed. Other times… 

A common catalyst behind some of my bad situations was the attitudes and behaviors of my managers and company leaders (aka “company culture”).  Kim Scott wrote in her book Radical Candor © how bad behavior can actually lead to advancement: 

… people who behave badly begin to win, rising in the company.  When confronted with a powerful jerk, many people retreat to Manipulative Insincerity, more out of instinctive self-protectiveness than intentional wrongdoing.  In this kind of environment, there’s an incentive to retreat to Manipulative Insincerity in front of those who are more senior to them, and resort to Obnoxious Aggression with those who are less powerful.  The culture becomes toxic – many kissing up and kicking down, few willing to speak the truth to power.  This kind of behavior won’t kill a company right away.  Instead, it leads to a slow, painful death of innovation, and lives of quiet desperation.  

WOW!  That’s a lot to take in!  “Manipulative Insincerity”?  “Obnoxious Aggression”?  “Kissing up and kicking down”?  I must admit, it sounds familiar.  I certainly hope Kim is speaking to the exception vs. the rule.  

In his book, The Speed of Trust © , Stephen M.R. Covey offers a different observation about bad catalysts that can cause employees to quit: 

Low trust causes friction, whether it is caused by unethical behavior or by ethical but incompetent behavior (because even good intentions can never take the place of bad judgment). 

I agree, good intentions don’t count very much anymore.  I’m not sure they ever did.  

Well suffice it to say my fellow retirees and I are counting on the current companies, leaders and employees to figure things out.  Otherwise, we may have to go back to work.  And who knows?  Maybe it was our generation of workers that began those workplace habits of behaving badly to begin with, HaHa! 

                                                            GAP 

When life gets tough we could get a helmet… or… we could leverage the peace and share the power of a positive perspective. 

We remember…

I never served in the military.  I can only imagine the commitment, self-sacrifice, and bravery our country’s veterans must have had to preserve our way of life.  It continues with those who serve today. 

Memorial Day is a “day of remembrance”.  As the struggle for our freedom continues we pause to remember those who served; who sacrificed; who died; for America; for our America; for our nation of great opportunity. 

According to Wikipedia the history of remembrance goes back over 150 years: 

In 1868, General John A. Logan of the Grand Army of the Republic called for a "Decoration Day", which was widely celebrated. By 1890, every Northern state had adopted it as a holiday. The World Wars turned it into a generalized day of remembrance, instead of just for the Civil War. 

Though we Americans are addressing many difficulties today, this is nothing new.  In the book Pickett’s Charge ©, Robert E. Lee said this in that Civil War battlefield aftermath: 

We must expect reverses, even defeats.  They are sent to teach us wisdom and prudence, to call forth greater energies, and to prevent our falling into greater disasters. 

Step-by-step, we continue to overcome our reverses.  Step-by-step, we gain wisdom and prudence from our defeats.  Step-by-step we strive to prevent greater disasters.  All while maintaining a certain sense of American humor and ingenuity: 

     Consider how far a step-by-step approach took American diplomat Charles Thayer in negotiating with a German prison director at the outbreak of World War II…

     He (the prison director) had the British vice-consul brought from his cell, and one by one I handed over items: pajamas, shirts, socks, and a toilet kit...

     I then produced a bottle of sherry, explaining that the vice-consul should have it served before his luncheon.  The director said nothing, but took the bottle submissively. 

     Next I produced a bottle of champagne which, I said, should be properly iced with the vice-consul's dinner.  The director shifted uneasily but remained silent. 

     Next came a bottle of gin, another of vermouth, and a cocktail shaker.  This, I explained, was for the vice-consul's evening martini.  “Now you take one part of vermouth.” I began, “and four parts of gin, add plenty of ice”.

     “Verdammit!” the director exploded.  “I am willing to serve sherry and champagne and even gin to this prisoner, but he can damn well mix his own martinis!”

     By taking a step-by-step approach, Thayer substantially accomplished his mission. 

William Ury 

Only in America do cultures of diversity live together so united.  Truly, we have our differences and there is plenty of strife.  Americans have much work to do in the pursuit of a more perfect union. Still, we benefit today from those who came before us.  They gave us great opportunities. 

But what are we making of our opportunities?  What opportunities (and debts) will we leave for our future generations? 

In every community, there is work to be done. 

In every nation, there are wounds to heal. 

In every heart, there is the power to do it. 

Marianne Williamson 

We will pause our work on Monday to honor the men and women of our armed forces; especially those who made the ultimate sacrifice: 

On Memorial Day let’s remember.  Then let’s go back to work Tuesday – working to overcome our difficulties; working to leverage our opportunities; working to preserve our way of life for future generations. 

Yes Marianne, “In every heart, there is the power to do it!” 

GAP 

When life gets tough we could get a helmet… or… we could leverage the peace and share the power of a positive perspective.

Daily life can be wrought with significant issues, true?  Among the most difficult is mental health.  Unfortunately, someone with a mental health ailment often must deal with it themself.  I know such a someone. 

Many of us have control over our moods; but not all ...  Let’s recognize those amazing people who try to face each day “doing alright”: 

     Like Eric.  I have known Eric for 46 years yesterday – his birthday.  Over that period Eric’s Mom and Dad have shared some of his most joyous occasions; and some of his most upsetting events; and in between these highs and lows Eric would tell you that he has been doing alright.  And for Eric, doing alright shows how amazing he truly is.

     You see, Eric is the strongest person I know.  I’ll give you an example.  Close your eyes and return to the happiest day of your life – feel how you felt during your most exhilarating moments.  OK, now think back to how you felt on your saddest, darkest, most depressed day ever.  Just set those mental bookmarks in your mind’s eye.  There is an unbelievably wide and powerful range of human emotion, yes?

     For most of us, we migrate from our highest highs and our lowest lows slowly; with long, “recovery” spans of simply feeling average in between.  Unfortunately, Eric is different; his mood swings back and forth, between euphoric highs and debilitating lows in a matter of minutes - multiple times - every hour!  Now picture your life with his type of mood swings – as if our other challenges aren’t enough to deal with.

     Rapid Cycling – that’s the technical term for Eric and others who suffer from Bi-Polar Disorder.  And Eric lives every day with this unwelcome guest.  Medical science is not much help.  Bi-Polar Disorder is an affliction of the brain; and very difficult to properly diagnose and treat.  Trial and error, mostly.  That means people with Bi-Polar Disorder typically wind up dealing with this on their own.

     Most can’t hold down a steady job.  Eric can – and he has consistently been a “go to” person for his company.  He is a skilled tradesman; good with customers; dependable; hard working; shows up no matter what; a positive attitude that no job is too tough; that’s Eric.  Most people with Bi-Polar Disorder can’t live independently.  Eric does – and if you met him, you would never know the internal turmoil he is living with.  He has a pleasant personality; a great smile; a nice sense of humor; knowledgeable of current events; just like the rest of us.

     But Eric isn’t really like the rest of us.  Just getting up and facing the day; every day; takes enormous strength.  And he offers no excuses – never has.  Eric has earned success and experienced failure.  No matter; Eric treats each day anew, the best he possibly can. And when you greet him saying, “Hi. How you doing?”  you will almost always hear him say, “I’m doing alright”.

     If Eric does alright each and every day even though feeling these uncontrollable mood swings – should we do any less?

     No, I don’t have Bi-Polar Disorder, but it lives next door. And though I don’t have it, I can see first-hand the strength Eric has as he lives with it.  I’m very proud to say that Eric is my son.  And one day I hope to learn the source of his amazing strength so I too can be, “doing alright”. 

GAP 

When life gets tough we could get a helmet… or… we could leverage the peace and share the power of a positive perspective.

Success…

How do you define “success”?  Is your success the result of your dedication and effort.  Do you make things happen?  Or does the phrase, “right place; right time” apply?  It’s OK.  Our favorite, Unknown Sage once said, 

People can be divided into three groups:

1. Those who make things happen,

2. Those who watch things happen, and

3. Those who wonder what's happening. 

I myself feel a bit clueless from time to time (and Lord knows my wife and family think of me as being permanently associated with Group 3, HaHa!).  I really do try to focus on the first group; making things happen; driving my own success.  I know it’s not easy.  

Like many of you, I’ve always worked for a living – I mean blue collar type of work – I mean taking the long way – I mean overcoming setbacks.  Regardless of the sales year I had, I tried to follow this African Proverb credited to none other than Mother Nature:

Every morning in Africa, a gazelle wakes up.  It knows it   must run faster than the fastest lion or it will be killed.     Every morning a lion wakes up.  It knows it must outrun the slowest gazelle or it will starve.  It doesn’t matter    whether you are a lion or a gazelle. When the sun comes up,   you better start running. 

Now don’t get me wrong; I was very much a white collar, sales professional.  It’s just that meeting my goals usually took me longer than my friends and colleagues who are blessed with greater talent.  They figured out how to work smart, not just hard.  Me?  Well, maybe I dipped into that 3^rd group more frequently than I’d like to admit.  I know I tasted failure on many occasions: 

It seems to me that the largest impediment to a healthy attitude toward failure is our inability to distinguish between just plain being stupid and failing on the way to great success.

Unknown Sage 

I’ve always believed that thinking positively, optimistically, with great self-confidence was a “healthy attitude toward failure”.  That’s why one of my favorite hobbies is writing.  I like the way it helps me channel random input from various Thought Leaders coupled with a positive attitude that can lead to, “failing on the way to great success”. 

I know that success is defined various ways and is a very personal matter.  I remember working for Mike Martone, ADP National Accounts VP of Sales, “back in the day”.  The National Accounts Division was “killin' it”.  I too, was enjoying some of the best sales achievements of my entire career.  It would have been easy for me – and Mike – to be satisfied with our success.  That’s when he delivered his "I'll be satisfied when..." presentation at a company-wide sales meeting.  

Rather than dwelling on our success, he had a different message.  Mike brought a list of five or ten additional goals and he prefaced each with the repetitive line, “I’ll be satisfied when we…”.  Then he described his expectations emphasizing his definition of success was achieving those additional goals.  That’s when I started thinking of success as a journey; not a destination. 

Carmen Mariano seems to agree and offers us this view: 

Success never rests.  On your worst days, be good.  And on your best days, be great.  And on every other day, get better. 

So here’s to today – good, great, or better.  We best get up early; start running; make things happen; true? 

GAP 

When life gets tough we could get a helmet… or… we could leverage the peace and share the power of a positive perspective.

Moms are special…

My Mom was special - I bet your Mom is (or was) special, too.  This coming Sunday is Mother’s Day.  In mind; in memory; or in person; be sure to make it a special day for your Mom.  Don’t just send flowers and a card.  Make her the center of your attention if only for one day. 

My wife is a special Mom.  She continues to lovingly mother our grown boys and our grandchildren even while their father worries, “How do I get all of these kids off the payroll?”  But I digress.  She is the matriarch of our entire family. 

Moms have that special sense of humor, too:  

A wife invited some people to dinner.  At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said, “Would you like to say the blessing?”  “I wouldn’t know what to say”, the girl replied.  “Just say what you hear Mommy say”, the wife answered.  The daughter bowed her head and said, “Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?”  

Unknown Sage                                

However, like anyone a Mom’s sense of humor has limits.  Back to our Unknown Sage: 

Never tell your Mom her diet's not working. 

Our Moms are special teachers.  Remember those life-long lessons you learned from your Mother?  This final thought from our favorite, Unknown Sage: 

What my Mother taught me: 

My Mother taught me logic;

“Because I said so, that's why.”

My Mother taught me irony;

“Keep laughing and I'll give you something to cry about.”

My Mother taught me about the science of osmosis:

“Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"  

Mothers offer us encouragement in just the right way, even if it might hurt our feelings: 

My mother always encouraged me to be myself.  “Unless you’re going to be boring on that day, in which case do us all a favor and be someone else.” 

Joan Rivers

Most importantly, Moms have a special and immeasurable reservoir of power, true?  My Mom did.  She was stricken with cancer when I was 6 years old.  In fact, I don‘t remember a time when she was not ill from either the disease or the treatments.  Her treatments became continuous during the last 15 years of her life: 

I watched my Mom’s great power, which she needed in order to deal with a new cancer treatment in the late 1960’s that was so unimaginably harsh – the administration of this treatment was solely based on the primitive science of trial and error.  The doctors’ routine consisted of observing how much of a dose could she tolerate without dying from the treatment. 

It was experimental back then; offered only as a last resort for terminally ill cancer patients. It wasn’t a cancer cure; just a radical option to extend one’s life another month or two; perhaps a little longer.  It was only her staying power (and that of many other patients like her) before she finally succumbed in 1974, that helped pave the way to the development of the commonly used, life-saving cancer treatment we all know today as chemotherapy. 

How many special Moms have died fighting terrible diseases (and brutal treatments) so the rest of mankind can benefit from the exaggerated term, “modern medicine”? 

Sunday is Mother’s Day - make it special for your Mom if she’s living; make it special for you through your thoughts and memories of your Mom if she’s not.  Odds are she’ll be smiling down from heaven. 

GAP

When life gets tough we could get a helmet… or… we could leverage the peace and share the power of a positive perspective.

It’s not impossible…

I enjoy being amazed; don’t you?  My wife and I have been watching The Food That Built America on The History Channel (www.history.com ), showcasing the stories of people becoming entrepreneurs and overcoming “the impossible”.  Today, in modern science; medicine; technology; space travel; virtually every field there are breakthroughs occurring around us that were once considered unattainable.  

We might agree that not all innovations serve the common good of mankind and there are many elements in our lives, our neighborhoods, our country, and throughout the world waiting for someone to think differently in order to overcome the impossible:  

The significant problems we face cannot be solved by the same level of thinking that created them. 

Albert Einstein 

Nonetheless, I am continuously encouraged by the daily brilliance we are witnessing.  I have always been awed and amazed by accomplishments once deemed impossible.  Of course, awesomeness and overcoming the impossible are nothing new.  Mankind has been achieving those heights throughout our history.  When you think about it, what amazes you?  Here’s another example from The History Channel:  

How did they do that so long ago without the benefit of today’s “modernness”?  I’m not sure, but perhaps they first started by deciding it was not impossible, and went from there. 

One of my favorite books, The Path Between the Seas: The Creation of the Panama Canal, 1870-1914 © by David McCullough details the degree of steadfastness needed to build what others had previously failed at and what many submitted was impossible to build: 

For anyone to picture the volume of earth that had to be removed to build the Panama Canal was an all but hopeless proportion.  Statistics were broadcast - 15,700,000 cubic yards in 1907, an incredible 37,000,000 cubic yards in 1908 - but such figures were really beyond comprehension.  What was 1,000,000 cubic yards of dirt?  In weight?  In volume?  In effort?... A train of dirt cars carrying the total excavation at Panama would circle the world four times at the equator. 

Circle the world at the equator four times?  How do you comprehend that? 

Here’s another excerpt: 

Construction of the canal would consume more than 61,000,000 pounds of dynamite, a greater amount of explosive energy than had been expended in all the nation's wars until that time. 

Talk about reallocating the collective technology of the time for the benefit of building the Panama Canal.  Using dynamite for good instead of war and the destruction of mankind?  (Short-lived unfortunately, as WWI started soon after the canal opened).  

What do you suppose the country’s military defense budget was a century ago?  How much of that was diverted to building a canal?  Yes, the world was quite different back then.  And I agree that our modern military-industrial-complex overcomes the impossible all the time.  I cite one of their motto’s often:

The difficult we do immediately.  The impossible takes a little longer.                             

U.S. Army Corps of Engineers 

Imagine the application of our determination: 

Its costs had been enormous.  No single construction effort in American history had exacted such a price in dollars or in human life. 

David McCullough 

He was referencing American history.  Ancient historians did not record the construction costs of building the pyramids.  Of course, there’s more to our world than construction projects and war. 

So here’s to us; all of us; everyone, every day who face seemingly insurmountable odds but refuse to turn back.  Here’s to all who decide - it’s not “impossible”. 

                                                            GAP 

When life gets tough we could get a helmet… or… we could leverage the peace and share the power of a positive perspective.

April 20, 1999 never forgotten…

Twenty-three years ago today, my hometown experienced the terror that two teenagers, feeling a sense of desperation and isolation, can bring to their high school, their community and our nation.  It was considered a rare event back then – unfortunately, it has become all too common today:   

Life is hard and can often seem hopeless for many young people.   If you have a son or daughter; grandchildren; nieces or nephews; or neighborhood kids; reach out to them today. 

Tell them today that you love them and will support them as they try to make their way in the world.  And if they are struggling to make ends meet – give them a few bucks, reassure them.  Today, help them feel they belong.  Give them hope. 

Let’s reverse our society’s violence.  Let’s use our power of compassion to increase the sunlight for those heading towards darkness: 

It takes the sun to create a shadow – accept that the dark and the light live side by side in all of us. 

Chellie Campbell 

It’s not just my hometown of Littleton, Colorado - We are all Columbine: 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i9Seqhcq23M 

May you feel peace - and share the power of peace with others - today - especially today - and then every day thereafter! 

GAP