It really is OK…

At the Tokyo Olympics we witnessed many never-before-moments in athletic competition.  One – totally unexpected – was the trials and tribulations of Simone Biles. 

Here Simone was, perhaps the most decorated and accomplished gymnast in women’s gymnastics history in a situation where she couldn’t, wouldn’t or no longer wanted to compete.  It wasn’t caused by an injury; it was her mindset.  We also witnessed her overcome said mindset and return for one last event, the balance beam, and triumph with an Olympic Bronze Medal. 

Michael Phelps, Olympic color commentator and as highly decorated and successful Olympian in his own right (also noted for mental health issues) offered this quote accredited to Mahatma Gandhi: 

            It’s OK not to be OK. 

It’s been my observation and personal experience that at work it is rare for our managers to even be aware when we are in a dark place. I’m in one now, but my managers are oblivious.  As a manager or a leader, it takes caring and building a trusting relationships with your people to spot when they are not OK. 

Being the father of a son with mental health disabilities, this topic is near and dear to my heart.   30 years ago I was going through a personal hell.  I had to tell my VP (Tom McSweeney) that my teenage son was placed in a psychiatric hospital.  I was Tom’s biggest quota carrier.  If I missed my number it was likely his sales region would too.  Thankfully we had a great relationship; he cared and was a compassionate man. 

He told me to focus on my family and give whatever I could give to my sales role.  He steadfastly maintained that supportive posture while my wife and I drained every dollar we had, earned and saved, plus took on the maximum debt lenders would permit before finally giving up.  We had to make our son a ward of the state when we could no longer bear the crushing, financial burden.  Not much mental health insurance benefits offered by companies back then; not much offered today either; empathy not compassion. 

While we slowly went broke I gave what I could to my sales role.  It wasn’t my best; it wasn’t a gold medal.  But it was good enough to cover my quota (a bronze medal in the eyes on my company). I wasn’t OK, but Tom was OK with me not being OK even in the face of his own job risk.  He wasn’t empathetic; he was compassionate: 

Picture yourself walking along a mountainous trail.  You come across a person being crushed by a boulder on their chest.  The empathetic response would be to feel the same sense of crushing suffocation, thus rendering you helpless.  The compassionate response would be to recognize that that person in is pain and to do everything within your power to remove the boulder and alleviate their suffering.  Put another way, compassion is empathy plus action. 

The Dalai Lama 

Thankfully, we worked out of our crushing financial suffocation.  More importantly, we reunited with our son; regained custody; and maintain an active, loving relationship with him to this day.  Thankfully, I worked for a man back then who was compassionate. 

For those of you going through your own personal hell today, I pray you’re working for a manager who knows the difference between empathy and compassion.  More importantly, I hope your managers and leaders are not oblivious if you are not OK. 

GAP 

When life gets tough we could get a helmet… or… we could leverage the peace and share the power of a positive perspective.